Where Damon Stoudamire gets his pot.

Thursday, December 25, 2008


My brother just said: "I hate Steve Nash." Not a good way to start the holidays in my family.

Today I'll be running a live blog on the upcoming Lakers/Celtics match. Currently Phoenix trails by one and Tim Duncan - during the past two minutes - has objected to 41 questionable calls.

Tony Parker just received a technical foul with a minute left to play. Duncan looks like he wants to murder the next ref who crosses him.

My brother: "You know what looks bad, white people with cornrows." Agreed, Charlie. Agreed.

Mike Tirico's hairline has regressed quicker than the lawn at Wimbledon's Centre Court by the second week of play.

The Suns run a beautiful play to Grant Hill for the go-ahead bucket. I thought Stoudamire was going to blow it, as he has down the stretch this game. I was even yelling at the television.

Roger Mason nails a three-pointer to win the game after Richardson comes in to defend to Parker drive. Please check the archives, where I've hyped up the Spurs acquisition of Mason in the early season. (It's Christmas, let me take the opportunity to talk myself up a little.)

Spurs 91 Suns 90

The NBA really favours those low-angle shots of players. Yeah ABC, these NBA players don't really look tall enough. More low-angle shots to spike the inferiority complexes of NBA fans.

ABC clearly put their top broadcasting crew on this game. No disrespect to Hubie Brown or anything.

Really hope we see those phony Christmas sound bites of Kobe wishing Merry Christmas to his competitors. As if he cares whether Kendrick Perkins had a nice day. Two quick fouls on Rondo.

Rondo has burned Kobe twice for open lay-ups. Then he throws a wicked baseline behind-the-back bounce pass to Perkins.

I like the Lakers feeding Kobe in the post with Ray Allen guarding him. Allen's quickness has regressed quicker than Ben Wallace's popularity.

Hey look, it's the Pandering Populist Trio sitting courtside: Mark Wahlberg, Adam Sandler, and Kevin James.

Luke Walton nails a corner three to tie the game. I had a mini-stroke during that one.

ABC just showed a Los Angeles cityscape, flanked by a mountain range behind the skyscrapers. Since when did LA have scenic beauty? That video looked like a tropical climate Vancouver.

Man, NBA players have a lot of charity responsibilities. I can't remember the last time I heard about NHL players handing out turkeys.

End of First Quarter: Boston 24 LA 23

Kevin James and his hair piece have a new movie coming out. Yawn.

The Machine vs. Eddie House. A three-point shooting orgy.

Kobe Bryant has it going early. I really think they need to establish a second offensive option quickly.

Jeff Van Gundy is a phenomenal basketball commentator. Strangely I agree with everything he says.

Derek Fisher going to the line as the Lakers open up their biggest lead of the game, 32 - 26. The Machine drives the lead to 9 points. The Celtics have gone stone cold on offence. (Note the spelling of offence, which indicates how Canadian I am.)

Kevin Garnett goes back-door for the alley-oop from Rondo. This is followed by a back-door lay-up by Rondo from Garnett. Beautiful passing.

The lead in the Notorious B.I.G. biopic might be Glen 'Big Baby' Davis.

Van Gundy: "Garnett just took a cheap shot at Vujacic running down the floor."

Garnett has started to establish himself in the second quarter, perfect from the field.

At the Half: LA 51 - Boston 45

Pierce is getting hot. That's one of the more dangerous things that can happen in an NBA game.

Andrew Bynum's D looks pretty suspect.

The Chris Paul anti-perspirant ad is terrible. Don Draper never would've let that one reach the air.

Elton John's "Benny and the Jets" melody might be the most classic in-game instrumental. Beats the Ying Yang Twins "Whisper Song" any day.

Tie game after a Ray Allen lay-up.

Pierce gives the Celtics their first lead since early in the 2nd quarter.

Play has been a little chippy at times for the past couple quarters. Lamar Odom hits a three-pointer to put the Lakers up 4. Back-to-back threes by Odom. Robert Towne - easily the coolest guy in the arena, even when Jack is there - must be pleased. May Chinatown forever live on in screenwriting workshops.

End of the Third Quarter: LA 71 Boston 67

Get ready for an intense finish. Andrew Bynum finally clocks in with a block. Unfortunately, this comes against Tony Allen, perhaps the worst player in this game thus far.

Tony Allen has two consecutive baskets. Maybe we'll undo that last comment. We'll pass off the worst player monker to, hmm, Eddie House.

Coming soon to a television broadcast near you: ABC's Homeland Security U.S.A., the biggest piece of 2009 propaganda. Watch old white guys bust Mexicans at the El Paso border.

Damn it. Eddie House just gave the Celtics the lead with a three-pointer. Worst player on the floor? Toss-up between Kevin James and Penny Marshall.

Trevor Ariza might have an angel tattooed on his neck. Very festive Trevor.

With five minutes left, the Lakers have a two-point lead.

Garnett converts the alley-oop for a Celtics lead.

Gasol hits the floater to give the Lakers a four-point lead with two minutes remaining.

Pau converts a three-point play to put the Lakers up five.

Ariza makes a ballsy reverse dunk. I would've gone for the Karl Malone special.

God bless the Celtics for not drawing out the end of the game with unnecessary fouls.

End of Game: LA 92 - Boston 83

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